Conversation with a Toaster

It was dark, early in the morning.
I heard shouting coming from the kitchen. My eyes opened, just barely, to check the time.
I must have had three hours of sleep.

I got out of bed, and went down the stairs to see what was going on.

"Oh, shut up, mate."
"No, you shut up!"
"You've done enough. Don' you understand? Just deal with it."
"How can I-"
"Great, now you've woken 'im up."

It was the refrigerator and toaster. I switched on the light in the kitchen to be certain.

"Hey." said the toaster.
"Guys, what's going on here?" I asked.
"It's your new toaster, Andrew. He's been carryin' on with an existential crisis, or somethin'."
"You know I'm right here, right?"
The refrigerator went silent for a moment. He was expressionless, but I could tell he was bothered. "Would you mind? I'm quite knackered." he said.
"Yeah, let the big man handle the problem."
"Quit it, you."

"Okay, okay." I raised my hands, in an effort to calm the situation. I approached the toaster. Its familiar rectangular, stainless steel exterior was adorned with a beautiful flower-like engraving.
"What're you lookin' at?" it asked.
"What's wrong? Why are you bothering the refrigerator?"
"His name is Gregory. And I'm Jim."
"Okay, sorry. It's early. What's going on, Jim?"
"I don't like it, here."
"Why is that? You just got here."
"I know, but... I'm bored."
"You're a toaster. I mean, you probably shouldn't expect much."
"You see, that's what I'm talking about. Life itself is boring. Ever since I came out of that box you took me out of. I don't know, man... I'm not feeling it."
I rubbed my eyes, still tired.
"At least you get to go outside and see the world."
"It's alright. Hasn't, uhh... Gregory been talking to you?"
"Yeah, but all he can do is tell me stories. And that just makes it worse. I wanna go out there and live. Ya feel me?"
"I... well, look, I hate to be frank. But that's not the role of a toaster. You have an important job."
"Yeah, grilling stuff with my insides."
"Sure, but nobody else can do that. Not as good as you can do it. Definitely not as fast. You do a good job, here, Jim. We need you."

"Hm..."

It seemed my encouragement wasn't enough.
"Would you... be happy if I took you on a trip, sometime?"
"What?"
"I can't make you not be a toaster, but I can carry you places."
"You'd do that for me?"
"Sure, but... not too often, okay? We don't wanna make Gregory jealous."
"Man, that would be really cool."
"And I don't wanna look like a crazy person."
"I think it's too late for that, Andrew."
"Huh?"

"You're talking to a damn toaster."

My eyes opened. A faint light crept into my room. The morning had come, and the air was cool. I quickly ran down the stairs and got into the kitchen.

"Jim? Gregory?" I said, looking at the two appliances.

Silence.

In a way, I was disappointed. Perhaps I shouldn't have been. But I honored my word, carrying the toaster in my arm during my morning walk. Hopefully, something came of it for little Jim. But it's probably for the best I keep our interactions to my dreams.

Yeah, probably.